Will this make you happy?

A simple guide from the Dalai Lama: if you want to resist doing something that is tempting, but not connected to your goals, just ask yourself: will this make me happy?

This sounds like a great testing question against screwing up time and making secondary decisions.

The philosophy of indoor climbing

Key learnings from indoor wall climbing that can be well used in life (after going for a few weeks, so beware, these are not the words of an expert):

1. You can do much more than you think. Try it before claiming you can't do it.
• In every training there are at least 20 different occasions when I get into new situations on the wall, I measure my options and I think about backing down. For e.g. ,,no way I can hold my weight with a few fingers'' or ,,my feet will definitely slip if I try to stretch more". But I already learned to just try anyway - and surprisingly, these situations always work out much easier then I thought they would.

2. You have to let go of the feeling of security to reach higher.
• Even on the easy beginner levels, you can't reach the top unless you are able to let go with one hand and rely on your feet. In the beginning everyone has a fear of not holding on tightly with both hands, and they grip to the wall like crazy and only move when they have both hands secured. But usually you need to stretch out a lot for the next handhold, and its impossible to pull up yourself only by hand strenght, so you need to lift some of your weight with your feet - but that also means you need to let go of the control of the hands.
• On the more advanced levels, you often need to let go with both hands at the same time, or stand on one feet, or even jump and let go totally. If one sticks to the security of hand control, it's impossible to reach beyond beginner level.

3. Keep moving.
• Every moment on the wall that you spend ,,resting" is actually just taking away from your energy and so, making it less likely that you can reach the end. So instead of getting scared and hanging on the wall thinking about how screwed you are, any move is better, because staying still also requires loads of energy but doesn't get you anywhere.

4. Work smart, not hard.
• This is especially true on my level, because anyway I look at it, I am totally weak :) So in most cases instead of relying on strength to pull myself up, I need to look at ways to shift my weight differently, climb with fast dinamics, or use elbows, knees, weird positions and whatever possible to support the move I want to make.
• Being short doesn't help either… but it doesn't make climbing much harder, just makes it more important to use my brain.

5. Don't be afraid to fall, but get used to it.
• The securing system is really good, so it's very unlikely to actually fall or to get hurt - if you make a mistake, you drop a little bit, but the security belt will hold you and you will hang from the security rope. Still, in the beginning everyone is afraid from falling, so beginners are told to slip on purpose and experience what happens if you fall.
• The only way to conquer difficult walls is to try many times, fall many times and go back. So if you are afraid to fall, you can't improve.

You learn

Just something else from Borges:

You Learn

,,After a while you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,

And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning

And company doesn't mean security.

And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts

And presents aren't promises,

And you begin to accept your defeats

With your head up and your eyes open

With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,

And you learn to build all your roads on today

Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans

And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.

After a while you learn...

That even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,

Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.

And you learn that you really can endure...

That you really are strong

And you really do have worth...

And you learn and learn...

With every good-bye you learn."

An ordinary day II.

9:00 - waking up by myself, getting ready, reading in bed about how the Lord of the Rings trilogy was prepared and shot. Very interesting to see the enourmous complexity, how well the different production phases needed to be organized, what role the diverse departments played, how did the actors form a team, what kind of leadership stlye the director took, and how he could still oversee the whole operation and give the final creative stand on the movie.

11:00 - cleaning the kitchen and making omlette with my mom, meanwhile having a conversation about hungarian politics, going deep into the details of the highly questionable pension fund incident (http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2010-11-25/hungary-follows-argentina-in-pension-fund-ultimatum-nightmare-for-some.html ). It ends with both of us getting super angry and hyped up, and my mom stating the ultimate truth ,,I don't care if I lose or win on my pension funds, but I want to handle my own money and I definitely will NOT do anything that the government wants as long as I am taken for an idiot and being threatened''.

13:00 - fixing up the last university issues and looking up possible accomodation options in Japan. Looks like I can make it for less money then expected, I found a (relatively) cheap shared room only 15 minutes from my office, in the middle of the ,,old Tokyo" area, close to 2 metro lines!

14:30 - studying Japanese with a freshly developed method: reading my old Japanese manga books that I bought in Japan, and using online dictionary to find all the words, expressions and characters that I don't know. When finding something interesting, I look up different contexts where it can be used, make notes and form some new sentences as exercise.

18:00 - catching up with Gasho online, it was time already!

20:00 - eating with family while watching random things on TV, and everyone comments (one of the random things was parts of a Twilight episode, which recieved harsh evaluation).

22:00 - running the daily 5 kms while watching Lord of the Rings (got so motivated after reading about it in the morning).

23:00 - getting into the sauna, while reading Economist. Seriously, this is the best newspaper ever, I don't know how I lived without reading it regularly. It's so to-the-point and easy to follow, it covers a wide range of issues, and gives a good overview about what's going on in the world. After reading it regularly for a month, not reading it would make me feel like living in a dark wardrobe.

00:30 - writing this entry. And probably I will either still read, watch movie or maybe do some more Japanese. And also I shouldn't go to sleep without stretching out the pain in my back properly (well, this happens when weak people climb walls).

The greatest fear

Today some small impressions gathered up to my mind to formulate the statement that my biggest fear is disappearing without leaving any trace.

It was more of a gut feeling then a clear mental conversation.

Because, you see - what trace? Trace in what? In mankind?

Mankind will be gone with time anyway.

Everything will be gone with time anyway.

So then - what trace?

Lets see. Imagine I'm dying, and I haven't done or had following things. What would really hurt?

• Didn't have children
• Didn't become a major decision maker who challanged the status quo
• Didn't write a book
• Didn't manage to understand what are the greatest question to tackle and meddled with idle things
• Didn't experience real love (love that I consider real and evolves to a strong partnership where we grow together)
• Didn't keep my friends and family relations
• Didn't do my random travelling and meditation around the world

Fuhh damn… all of these would hurt. Right now I feel like some would be utterly painful, some others are things I just need to do, some others can be forgiven if I knew I put all effort, but still, not having any of these would be a disappointment.

But still. Is that all to it?

And what if I am a major decision maker who has influence in the most important issues of mankind?

Maybe its not about the impact. The impact is unmeasurable and only last with humanity anyway.

It was always a bit more about becoming a better and stronger being, who can handle the hardest things. Its more about trying to find my limits as a human being.

And if its about that, then its clearly not just about work.

Its about relationships, training, spirituality, education, and work.

Just to be a being capable of more.

But then what's this fear of not leaving a trace?

Maybe I connect that with a measure of the evolution of myself.

Maybe this is the challenge I give myself - can I leave a trace in mankind? (a trace which reflects my values, of course, not a 3rd world war). Am I smart an capable enough to sort out problems which havent been sorted out by others?

So am I saying that…

…the evolution as a human being is more important then the trace, but the trace in mankind is the measure?

Hmm... Can be. But just keep in mind, that this can also change once I understand the world better.

Speed

One of the best things about myself is that I learn fast and I forget fast.

So I can easily live in the present.

But where is the difference between giving up and letting go?

Childhood's End

Looks like childhood has ended.

Still, as I sit here in the last row of a Wizzair flight that shakes with turbulence, the last flight that takes me home after a year of exploration, it's not about nostalgy. Not too much, at least. At last.

After long years of analysis, introspection, debate with myself, today it is only a quiet nod saying ,,yes".

Yes, these are the things I have done, these are the things that happened in one year.

And yes, these are the things that I have learned.

I learned that wisdom is not about knowing things better - it's about being more calm, more quiet, more open.

I learned that excellence is not about judging myself bitterly - it's about understanding and learning from my own actions.

I learned that flexibility is not about lacking an opinion or a plan - it's about a wider perspective and the acceptance of insecurity.

I learned that mistakes do not exists - there are only consequences to my actions, and I learned to welcome them regardless if they were good or bad.

I learned that sacrifices do not exists - there are only decisions between our options.

I learned to form relationships and found joy and fun in caring for others and being cared for.

I learned a lot about the magic balance of reflecting on experiences but being ready to move forward at the same time.

I learned to always appreciate the small jokes life plays on me.

And now, it's not about nostalgy.

It's about ambition - not only about what to achieve, but also about who to become.

It's a strong will to continue the quest for the best within myself even higher, even better, and I'm already looking forward to even more surprises on the way.

I'm 24.

Three times 8 years have already passed, and I have the feeling that the next 8 is going to be even more extraordinary.

I am ready.

My time is now.

And as the plane lands, I suddenly know that it has always been my time, and it always will be.